It's So Important to Discipline Kids

Setting limits is hard, frustrating and time-consuming. But, it is an extremely important part of parenting. Parents who don't set adequate limits do their children a great disservice. They reinforce unacceptable behaviors because children quickly learn that they can act as they want. Learning right from wrong is a slow, gradual process. 2 year-olds need constant watching. Distract them when they don't behave the way you want them to. Saying "no" to issues of safety is the beginning of limit-setting. 3 year-olds have trouble sticking to limits. Stay close by, offer frequent reminders and get involved with your child. When your child acts inappropriately, remove her from the situation and involve her in something else that will foster positive behavior. Most children under 5 are motivated to change their behavior "because mommy said" or when warned by a punishment, not because they understand how their negative behavior impacts others. So, the motivation not to hit their brother comes from wanting to watch TV, play outside or use the computer - not from thinking about someone else's feelings. That's okay! Sometimes connect a restriction to an activity, "If you want to ride your bike, you have to stay in front of the house," or "If you want to play outside, you have to keep your jacket on." Follow-through. Time-outs sometimes work. If you use "time-out," tell your child she can get off the step or chair when she's ready to play nicely. "Time-out" should only last as long as is necessary for him to calm down and change his behavior. It's also okay to firmly say, "You may not do that!"

Parenting is the most challenging job we do. Your day-to-day actions can guide your child’s character and behavior in positive ways.

Talking to Kids About - Terrorism :(

Dear Parents,

In these difficult times with so much terrorism in our world, I offer these words to help children with their fears, sadness and worries.

Giving children a voice can be very healing and reassuring.

A Message to Children,

There truly are mostly good people in the world. People help others by protecting them from harm. People help others who are less fortunate. They help others learn, create and grow in positive ways. People also open doors for others, say please and thank-you, and do all kinds of nice things for each other.

But, sadly, there are some people in the world who act in very bad ways; and these people are terrorists. These are people who hurt and harm and sometimes kill others. When they hurt others, and we see it on TV, it can make us feel really sad. It can make us feel scared. It can make you worry that it will happen to you or your family and friends.

It's hard to understand why people hurt and harm others, but what we do understand is that we can help ourselves and our friends and family when sadness, worry, and fear appear.

When you, a friend or family member get scared, feel sad or worry, the best way to feel better is by talking and sharing your feelings - with your mom and dad, your teacher, friends, and other people in your family.

Sometimes you may have to think a little bit about who you feel most comfortable talking with so that you can feel better. Talking about your fears, your worries and your sadness can be healing, just like putting medicine or a bandage on a sore to heal a wound.

Your parents and others will help you feel safe and comfort you. Tell them what scares you. Tell them what you believe. They are there to help you feel better. Do your best to listen to their advice. Your well-being matters to your parents, teachers and others.

When we see others, including our parents, worried and sad over events that happen in the world, it can sometimes be hard to ask them questions, maybe thinking you don't want to upset them more. It's always okay to ask questions. You can also say, “I know you are sad about what happened, but can I ask you some questions about what happened.” It's also okay to ask, "Will this happen to our family?" "Are we safe?"

You can also help yourself and others by thinking about the nice people you know and by thinking about things that people do that are helpful and kind to others. And even though we see and hear about sad and scary stories on TV, there are so many good stories in the world that - for some reason - aren't often shown on TV.

Sometimes it is helpful to think about what makes you feel safe or think about a color or sound that makes you happy. Then, try thinking about these things when you feel sad, scared or worried.

You can also say this to yourself, “I am safe in this moment.” “Everything in this moment is okay.” Repeating these thoughts to yourself when you feel worried will help you because it is true - and that’s an important message to tell yourself and to remind yourself of.

We can also help the world. Each one of us can try to be a little nicer to each other. We can try to be mindful (which means just thinking harder about what we do) of how we treat our friends and our family by listening to each other more, helping more and caring more about the feelings of others.

I am really sorry that bad things happen in our world. I know it can be scary. But, I encourage you to share your worries. And, know that most of the time you are safe.

I hope that one day, you and everyone else will live with more and more peace and harmony.

Being Shy is Really Okay

Many people believe that shyness is an undesirable trait. Actually, shyness is a personality characteristic, not a flaw. And, reserved kids are often nice, well-behaved, and generous. Although they’re shy in some circumstances, they can also handle many situations well. One 5-year-old who wanted to try a hula hoop that another child was using told her mother, “At first I was shy and then I just asked her if I could use it.”

Shy children are often fine in small groups of two or three children or in one-on-one conversations with an adult. A shy child who’s involved in an interesting project won’t appear shy. It’s only when she’s focused on that her shyness becomes apparent.

While shyness should not be seen as a problem for a child, it can certainly be frustrating for parents. You may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed when your child doesn’t respond as other children do.

You can help yourself and your child by avoiding uncomfortable situations and helping your child when necessary. For instance, many shy children don’t like to be put on the spot to say hello or otherwise talk on demand. If your child appears unlikely to respond to an adult’s questions, you can matter-of-factly respond for her and then quickly steer the discussion away from her. The alternative, trying to force your child to talk, will only make her feel worse and will probably be ineffective and make you feel uncomfortable. If you generally arrange situations so your child doesn’t feel focused on, everyone will feel better.

Sometimes your child will come home from school or play feeling frustrated because she couldn’t participate comfortably. She may be whiny or demanding. Accept that she needs understanding and an outlet for her feelings. If she feels comfortable enough and if she’s old enough to talk about her feelings and experiences, she may tell you about shyness and how it sometimes interferes with activities, “I was too shy to sing.” Certainly as she gets older, an accepting atmosphere at home will make it easier for your child to share her thoughts.

You may be convinced that your child will always be shy, but it’s hard to predict the paths your child will take. Some kids who are extremely shy during the preschool and elementary years gradually become more outgoing. In any case, the most important thing you can do for your child is to accept her as she is and help her find activities and situations that make her feel good. Your love, involvement, encouragement and acceptance will always benefit your child as she goes through the fun and challenging parts of growing up.